Moksha

                                                  

Pumnamno narakadyastu trayate pitaram sutah
tasmat putra iti proktah svayameva swayambhuva
Because a son of his own, by birth, saves a father from the hell called “PUT” is called PUTRA.

{Shloka ::!38/ Chapter :: 9 /Manusmriti}

Fold your hands and  invite the spirit of your father to give offering and Say……

“Om Agachaantu mi pitar emaam grihantu jalaan jalim”

Remember your  father in mind and be close to his soul

“ Kashyapa Gotra Asmati Pita Shiv Shankar Nath…

Vasuroopa tripyatamidam Tilodakam”

Til ke saath teen baar Ganga Jal daalo ( Pour the water of Ganges along with seasame seed 3 times.)

Gangajalam Vaa

Gangajalam Vaa

Gangajalam Vaa

Tasmey swadha Namaha

Ambika was sitting at the back yard of her house.  For the last two days she had not done any work..  Pandit ji was now waiting outside.  What should I answer him? Mind is hollow….there is something deeply wrenching at the depth of my heart.  The sky was overcast…ready to shed tears???  It was a rainy day toowhen I stepped into Seth house with Ganga mausi.

Now they say I have to decide…why?   All these years I spent under the shadow of bad name. Some called me a whore …..But the same "gentlemen" came under the cover of darkness at night to try their chances with me.  How often have I considered ending this life?  But whenever I looked at Ratan I couldn’t gather the courage to do it. He has no one but me in this world.  But why should I agree with them?  Who are they?  I never lured anyone in my life.  All happened….because I was a poor helpless woman.  What could Baapu do in his old age? … He couldn’t open his mouth against anyone when Panchayat(¹) gave the verdict, and there was no other way than to leave the village and settle in this hut outside the village. But don’t they know the truth? It is true that I was an unwed Mother. But the verdict,.Was I the only culprit?  Was I the only one to spoil their name in the society? They were all perhaps trying to save him.

My only mistake was that, I did not listen to him….to kill my child…perhaps no woman can do it. I could not kill an innocent life in my womb.  For me, my child in the womb was more valuable than this so-called image that the society demanded of me.  For my child, I could not only leave the village, I could easily give up my life too.  I was never afraid of anyone, but I still do not know why I could not speak out the truth about him. What was holding me back???   It’s a thankless world full of thankless people.

Pandit ji is coughing to mark his presence outside the house.   He is waiting since early morning.  He is one of the most loyal servants of the Seth family.  His family is serving them for at least the last 5 generations. Pandit ji only insisted that Ratan be sent to the Government School. 

Ratan would be feeling hungry now….since yesterday I didn’t set fire in the Chulha(²).  Distantly a vegetable vendor passed calling out, otherwise the village was almost eerily silent. Last night the village was noisy with the chanting of “Ram naam satya hei…” celebrating the death of Seth Shiv Shankar Nath. People never lose an opportunity to celebrate something, whether it is birth or death.  I could see the flames at the ghat fiercely competing with each other to touch the sky and consume itself. The fire was swallowing entire dharma & karma of his birth. He was getting liberated from this world and his soul was getting purified by the fire… Agni, the only thing in nature that can purify even while it destroys.  Perhaps, almost like the life of a woman.

Ratan was pulling the canvass out from his torn shirt collar and trying to see his face in the old stained mirror.  The mirror was brought from Mathura at the time of Lakhan mama’s marriage.  Unfortunately he died at a young age. His wife was very beautiful, Maayi had said. After his death she left for vidhvaashram(³) 

Surprisingly, Maayi did not refuse when Panditji wanted me to go to the Ghat(⁴) with him yesterday. I had never seen a cremation before. When Dada died, I was too small to understand anything. Maayi says I was the one who had lit fire to his Chita (pyre), because Lakhan mama was already dead and there was no other son to perform the last rites. I keenly watched all the rituals going on there and even helped Pandit ji burn a piece of firewood. Seth Shiv Shankar ji was covered with white linen. There were lots of flowers on him.  His face was calm. I had never seen him so close ever.  People were saying that he does not have a son to do the rituals. He has four daughters in his house but not a son.  Like I do not have a father…he too did not have a son.   Once priest Ghanshyam chacha said, whoever does not have a son will not get entry into heaven.  Everyone liked him. He was a learned man and had studied in vilaayat ⁽⁵⁾   for many years.  I had always seen him from a distance passing on his white Motor Car.

Ratan ran his fingers over a black burn scar on his right thigh remembering the last time he had visited the house.  It had been a pleasant day.  Manak lal said there was a feast at Seth Shankar nath’s house. Never had a feast before. It was one of his daughters birth day. There was lot of people gathered over there. Almost all rich and poor were present from the village. Mouth watering food made with pure ghee was served which I had never tasted before. That day I had seen his wife Yeshoda devi & her daughters for the first time.  She was not like maayi, she was soft and clean, covered with golden ornaments. After the feast she was helping her daughter distribute money to everyone.  That time Kishore Singh got two rupaiyas…as he shown his hands twice from different directions. I couldn’t enjoy the full feast because I knew Maayi would be hungry. For last one week she was not going to work as she was not feeling well. So I ate little and bundled the rest and ran towards the house to give maayi.  Unexpectedly she got furious when she saw me with the food.  She threw all that food outside, slapped me and then branded me with a hot chimta ⁽⁶⁾ on my thigh. That much furious she was. Maybe my absence made her upset and furious.

Ambika got up. At his death bed Baapu had tried to tell her something….but the words couldn’t come out and he died. What was he trying to tell? After Lakhan’s death he had lost all hope in life…and was just living for me. But what did I do? Was it my mistake? That woman was not a good wife for him. She was always finding ways to taunt and insult him. I never saw her respecting her husband. She didn’t have time for her husband, always sent me or anyone else to serve him.  She had her own things to do and lot to boast.  I was too young to understand the meaning of tears in a man’s eye and it was very often. I couldn’t resist his attraction towards me. Unknowingly I was converting myself as a support to the master. A woman is always helpless in such situations. When it becomes impossible to control her emotions, she crosses her own   laxman rekha ⁽⁷⁾. And then at the end she finds herself becoming a victim.  After all, the rules and laws are created for her. But she is also an easy scapegoat to take blame for any problem in this earth. The victim is victimized further to save the culprits dignity in the name of ethics and social system.  What hypocrisy!!!! 

Ratan looked at around.   Maayi had given grandfathers name as my father in school. Others had different father and grand father.  When I asked Maayi, she said my father was dead and I had lit fire for dada’s cremation so I have Grandfather as my father too.  Whenever there was a fight, other kids used to call me father less.  And they were right too.  All the kids were happy with their father. They would always talk a lot about their father…but I only have a mother, Maayi and we have only each other in this world.  Perhaps If I got a father like them, they may not keep me at a distance or make me feel like an outsider.  

Ambika came to the veranda of her mud hut. The Pandit ji was still sitting over there. He looked at me with expectation of an answer. I said nothing…other than staring at muddy pots which were kept around the hut.  “Do not think Malkin⁽⁸) is not aware about it. When a Pandit says something, it will be good for all. It is not the time to court vengeance….it’s a matter of giving moksha to a soul “ Pandit ji broke the silence..    “One should not oppose any good things in their life” he continued “Banaras is only 90 kilometers from here. If we leave early in the morning, we can return before sunset. Good things should not be delayed. It will be beneficial for both of you.  Think about it." He concluded.

Tasmey swadha Namaha

Tasmey swadha Namaha

Ambika sat motionless when Ratan did Pitru Tarpan⁽⁹) at the banks of River Ganga.   Pandit ji was standing near him.   Ratan poured the water from kumb three times, the priest told him to lean in front and take Asheervad(¹⁰) from the dead. He took the Kalash of Ashes (¹¹) from the priest and went into the water. Priest told him to think about his father and to throw the kalash in the  ganges  from behind his head without turning back. Then told him to take three dips and come back.

She didn’t have the courage to look at his face now, because there was an enigmatic and strange expression on his face. When he returned to the shore,  Pandit ji took something out from his shoulder bag and gave it to Ratan . Ratan couldn’t resist his curiosity and quickly opened the bag.  His eyes opened wide with wonder. He was almost breathless to see the contents. The gold coins were shining in the sunlight nestled between bundles of money. Suddenly he turned towards his mother for a moment. She was sitting over there like a living dead.  Before Pandit ji could say anything, he turned and headed quickly towards the river again and went in to its chill water. He took a deep dip and turned around…then he threw the bundle with gold & money behind his head and again took 3 dips into that holy water.  Ambika’s eyes got blurred with tears as he walked towards her.

Created: 02 October 2010

Author : P-Kay

Editor : Ss

GLOSSARY :

Panchayat(¹) : Local village authority like court which finds solution to the local dispute

Chulha (²) : earthen stove

vidhvaashram(³) : Traditional Widow’s Hostel type accommodation in ancient Indian society

Ghat(⁴) :  Cremation ground

vilaayat ⁽⁵⁾ : Abroad

chimta ⁽⁶⁾ : Long clip to bake rotis (Indian bread) in earthen stove

laxman rekha ⁽⁷⁾ : Ultimate Limitation/ Boundary

Malkin (⁸) : Mistress of the house.

Pitru Tarpan⁽⁹) : Ritual for the dead

Asheervad(¹⁰) : Blessing

Kalash of Ashes (¹¹) : Mud pot contain bone remains of the dead/ ash